now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
