Non-Jews are for practice
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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