I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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