Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
