took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
