You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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