New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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