This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
