You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
