I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
