P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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