I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
