He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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