i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
