All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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