she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
