I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my poor anus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
