so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
