i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
