Sry I called you an 8
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
