New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
