im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
