beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
