So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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