i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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