I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm too high and old for this...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
