Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
