Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
