You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
