We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
