OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
