My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
