He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
