Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
