omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was born a porn star she said
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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