Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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