Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
