peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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