call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
