she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize