discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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