I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
