I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
