I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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