He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
