I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
