I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
