I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
