I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
