nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
