I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
