my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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