y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
