I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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