i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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