so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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