Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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