P.S. I can't hear my feet
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found puke in my bra..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
