The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
