Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
