you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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