meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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