I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
