thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
