i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My balls are so social today.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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