Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
