she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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